Dear,
I’d like to keep you up to date on tonight’s activity.
Bill has turned down the options Gil and I put on the table before him, not by choosing, but by not choosing (which is also a choice):
Get a catheter installed at the hospital
Stay at home (tonight) and “stay the course”
Dad’s feet are swelling. Not looking very happy.
It does not appear to be improving as the day goes on.
Today he drank one mug coffee, one and one half glass soro caseiro, and a few sips of tea (something around 500 ml)
He ate two bowls of tomato soup, and three quail eggs, some peppermint chocolate, and two scoops of lemon sorbet.
While Gil was here (for six hours, from about 4 to 10:30) we all had a good talk – about all kinds of things, AFTER Gil and I put it to him that if he does not DO something he may be painting himself (and we pointed out, Gilbert and I as well) into a pretty tight corner.
As Gil was getting ready to leave, I moved Bill to the arm chair.
Once Gil had left, I asked him if he’d like something to drink – he pointed to his half drunk glass of soro casero, and I asked if he’d like something else, something fresh. He said (I quote) “Noah, I don’t want to drink anything else if I’m not peeing. That’s a dead end road.” To which I replied – They are both dead end roads Daddy’O. He shook his head as to say “yeah”.
As I began to remake the bed, since he was out of it, I noted that the diaper that had been placed under him was wet – and that there were traces of blood in the urine.
I weighed the diaper – there was about 130ml of water in it.
He’d peed some when getting into the bed, before I slipped the diaper under him – if I say (generously) that it was 100mls, then he’s peed about 250mls today.
I showed my father the blood on the diaper.
We are now listening to the weekly bible lesson online, from the mother church.
Bill is awake, I can see, sitting with his head back, eyes closed, in the big arm chair.
I don’t know if Dad will accept going to the hospital tomorrow. I will ask again, in the morning, and in the afternoon. I will not be “shy” about spelling out the consequences – again.
If he refuses further help, I believe that tomorrow afternoon, after the second attempt at getting him further help, we MUST inform the family at large.
I don’t know that the family, and friends, will be able to accept the course of action my father is in fact choosing – by relying on C.S. and deciding not to pursue a mechanical means to relieve the present symptoms. To the purpose of protecting my father’s choice, I will record some of those conversations.
I will try to find the time to call Dr. Leone’s office tomorrow, and consult with him about end of life care, if that is indeed the situation we are headed into.
I will also have to return Wendy’s call (from the Posto de Saude) – as I promised her a call back about the status of my father. This may complicate things CONSIDERABLY, but I do not believe it will be the proper thing to do to “slink off” and not communicate with her what is transpiring in this household.
We have leaned on her for assistance in supporting us up until now, it is not proper to turn away at this point. It makes it seem as though we are doing something wrong, and hidden. IF Bill is choosing to rely only on Christian Science, then that is the stance he will have to adopt even before those who represent an antagonist mental perspective. I will help him, is that is his choice, to hold up his banner, against those who might wish to overwhelm him against his wishes.
BUT – not until he makes his purpose E X P L I C I T L Y clear to me.
I do hope, greatly, that there is no vacillation in his position, once a path chosen. If I am to hold fast to one course of action, then he must have made his choice absolutely firm and clear.
Again – I will ask, describe, and warn, Bill against inaction.
It is one thing to embrace CS, and one thing to get urgent medical care.
But to say nothing and do nothing, is in fact “doing” something else.
While I’m mentioning it – in the morning I’ll speak with the practicioner – right after I give Bill a cup of coffee and ask him how he’s feeling – and if he wishes to seek help at the hospital.
I don’t know if Dad’s feet continue to swell, if he will be able to walk, tomorrow morning, or .. how long into the near future. Today we got up and moved a total of six times – and there is amazing progress in that work. Really. I’m not trying to be “positive” or cheery, or anything else. The progress in his motor skills has been considerable between this morning and this evening.
I will continue to offer things to drink, stopping just short of being rude.
N